I’m (29f) married to my husband (31m) for about a year now but we’ve been together for 6 years prior.
I’m currently 10 weeks and my entire family has been ecstatic and supportive from the very beginning because 1) I am the youngest and probably only daughter that will have a kid since my sister (eldest) has no plans to and 2) it will be their first grandchild that’s not in another country.
My husband moved to my country years ago so he’s been away from his family and has gotten used to being very independent whilst I grew up in a tight knit family.
We are very, very close, like I tell my mom and my sister everything and I would not know what to do if I ever lost them.
I am a natural overthinker and being as this is my first baby and everything, I AM STRESSED lol. Like I worry about everything and how I won’t be good enough or know how to take care of the baby or something might happen to the baby while I’m sleeping. It’s seriously awful and even just now I always worry that complications will happen before I even give birth. It takes an emotional toll on me and I cry almost every single day. I am a crybaby so the hormones just makes it worse.
So my dilemma is, I WANT to stay with my parents likely on my last month of pregnancy and for a while after baby is born, BUT my husband is very adamant on not living/staying with my parents.
He goes to work everyday in unusual graveyard shift hours. There is no wfh at all. I am a wfh freelancer so I control my own time and whatnot.
I want to stay with my family during the last month of pregnancy because when my husband is asleep (our schedules our inverted) and away from work, I am obviously left alone. If I computed it, I’m technically by myself for 14 hours more or less (including my sleep).
I can’t imagine having the energy to do anything in my big belly state like cooking and cleaning and whatnot, and I also feel like I will need support from my family at that time. I already sometimes feel alone and sad nowadays because I literally have no one during the weekdays when he is away.
Now for after giving birth, I say I want to stay for a while bc I have no idea how long it’d take me to physically, mentally, and emotionally recover after giving birth. But pretty much all I WANT is to have that support from my family, specifically my mom because obviously she knows what it’s like and she can help me throughout everything. I know I am in good hands if I’m at my parents’ house because should anything happen, they’ll be there when my husband is working and so I’ll have more help all the way.
My husband and family have an okay relationship. It’s not perfect but my mom cares for him ofc like a son, but bc my husband as I said is very independent, he doesn’t really bond that way.
Every time we talk about this, I am convinced he is never going to adjust to what I think would be best for me and the baby.
He says that it’s our baby and we will raise him, but he can’t see that having help from my family isn’t going to take that fact away from him.
I also tell him that living with my family will help us save more since we wouldn’t have to pay rent and other expenses like utilities. He would technically only have to pay for his transportation going to work and a bit as allowance/thank you to my parents.
To him, he doesn’t see himself living under somebody else’s roof. He doesn’t like his “space” being invaded and my family does sometimes get a little rowdy. What family doesn’t? ��
To me, it’s unfair that he won’t adjust for me and the baby’s sake.
My parents house is bigger and they also have maids, meaning we would clearly be more comfortable than on our own. I am not saying we’d live with them forever but I just want to have that sort of HEADSTART for me/us.
TL;DR —> I want to stay at my parent’s house which is bigger and more comfortable on my last month of pregnancy and for a while after giving birth due to the fact that I don’t want to be alone (I am very close with my family) since husband works at night and is asleep during the day. My husband is too independent, doesn’t want to live under somebody else’s roof, and doesn’t see the need for me to be with my family when it’s our baby and we’d raise it together.
AITA even though I’m the one bearing all the struggles of childbirth and this is all I ask or is he right to demand his side?
(Would also like opinions or suggestions on how we could reach a common ground on this dilemma if you’ve experienced it and whatnot.)
